In honor of Valentine's Day, I figured I would jump on the blogging-bandwagon and write about love. I thought about writing about my love for my kids, but I decided I write enough about them. I decided to write about mine and the hubby's story.
Now, before I start, I should note, there is no magical fairy tale romance. No long lost loves, reconnected after years apart. No star-crossed lovers secretly dating behind their feuding family's backs.
The hubby (we'll call him J) and I met in August of 2009 at work. I had been working there since May and had noticed him around the building from time-to-time. Towards the end of June, one of my coworkers introduced me to a friend of hers from outside of work. We met the night before my divorce was to be finalized and dated for about 2 months. Things were starting to go downhill when I officially met J.
I worked as the assistant to the VP of Engineering for our company and also handled the buying of all the parts and materials that Engineering needed to do their jobs. J was in the Research and Development department, which fell under Engineering. I first got talking to J via email. It started out as him putting in requests for materials and following up on delivery dates etc.
I noticed one day that he hadn't been around much. The following week he sent me an email asking about one of his orders. I asked if he had been out of the office and he asked if I missed him. I told him not to be so presumptuous. The rest is history.
We started talking a little at work, in the lunchroom etc. One day, my girlfriend asked me what was going on with me and my boss's brother (we'll call him G). My boss's brother? I didn't know he had a brother! Shit! He's my boss's brother? Wow. This could get tricky.
The first time we went out, I was actually on a girls night out and he met us at the bar where we were. I was pretty impressed considering he came on his own, without any "bro-backup". We sat and talked for a couple of hours. Drinking gin and tonics and smoking cigarettes (neither of us smoke anymore). At the end of the night, he gave me a hug and we went our separate ways.
A couple of days later we made plans to go to dinner and then watch a movie back at my place. He lived with G (my boss) and his girlfriend (our HR assistant from work - we'll call her S). Their relationship wasn't exactly common knowledge and was supposed to be a secret. J and I decided that we were going to keep ours on the down low for the time being, especially because he was my boss's brother. You know, nepotism, and all that. His brother wasn't thrilled at the idea. After all, J had dated another girl (we'll call her....never mind...I'll be nice...she can remain nameless...she doesn't come up again.) that had been helping G at work, and that didn't work out, for any of them.
I remember one night, after we had been seeing each other for a little while, we were getting, um, frisky, and let's just say, we both fell asleep. Yep. Mid-frisk, we both passed out. We woke up at the same time and, after realizing what had happened, laughed our asses off. I mean, who does that happen to? The next day he asked his S if it was bad to fall asleep during sex. S's sister-in-law, who also worked with us, overheard and asked, in a shocked tone, who he was having sex with. Needless to say, that's when the proverbial cat was let out of the bag.
In the 4 1/2 years that we have been together we have had some amazing times. We have also struggled a lot. J has had major back surgery and knee surgery. We both lost our grandfathers. We have had issues with our ex-spouses. J was in a car accident shortly after we met and totaled his car.
When we brought our newborn home last February, we hit a really rough patch for a while. Everything we did annoyed the other. I found out after 4 year that it drives J insane when I leave a cabinet doors open in the kitchen. He had joked about it in the past, but suddenly it was being thrown in my face. He was under an incredible amount of stress. We had both been laid off the month after the baby was born. Luckily J had secured a new job and there was no lapse in work for him. Unfortunately the job he interviewed and was hired for was not what is was described to him as. Luckily, after about 4 months, he changed positions and is much happier there.
I struggled with his new job. Here I was, at home with a newborn, and he was off working and interacting everyday with people I didn't know. Our whole relationship up to that point had been the two of us together, all the time. We worked together, we lived together. (J moved in with me after few months of dating.) Combine the postpartum hormones with all that time sitting around thinking about it, and you have a recipe for a mental breakdown. I was incredibly insecure because of my post baby body. It had been a REALLY long time since we had fooled around or had sex. We didn't even make out anymore. I felt like I was losing him. I felt trapped in my own home. I was the loneliest I had ever been. It should have been one of the happiest times in my life but I felt like an outcast.
Why am I telling you all of this when this is supposed to be a love story? Because I'm trying to show you that everyone has problems. Ups and downs. Rough patches. It doesn't mean your relationship is doomed, it just means that it needs some TLC, some nurturing, some patience. But most of all it needs honesty. Luckily we both recognized what was happening and faced it head-on. I told him how I was feeling, the things that were worrying me and how his behavior was making me feel. J and I were just talking the other night about how terrible that phase was. The important thing is that we remember it and talk about it and it helps us appreciate where we are now and how much stronger it has made us.
That said, there are so many reasons why we work.
- We have fun together. Some of my favorite times with J have been when we are running errands to Lowe's, or cooking up new recipes in the kitchen.
- J likes the dark meat and I like the white meat on chicken.
- J like the flappers and I like the drumsticks when we eat chicken wings.
- J likes the softer fries with the square ends. I like the crunchy, pointy ones.
- J is extremely handy around the house. Seriously. I swear that man can fix/hang/build anything.
- He built an entire engine for his truck. By himself. With no experience. And it worked you guys! Do you have any idea how sexy a man under a truck with grease on his face is?
- I am incredibly attracted to J. Even after 4 1/2 years. The more time we are together, the more attractive he becomes to me.
- J is an amazing father. He is stern (a little too stern sometimes, in my opinion) but he is fair. He loves his children, and mine and ours.
- When I decided to stop drinking, J was right there by my side. He stopped too. I didn't ask him to and told him over and over again that he didn't have to. But he did. He was never a big drinker anyway and tended to get sick before he got drunk.
- We put up with each other's families. Don't get me wrong, we both have amazing families, but they are family, and we all know how family can be sometimes.
- He is sarcastic. I am sarcastic. It works.
- His eyes.
- His hands. (I am very particular about hands. It is one of the first things I notice on a person.)
- He doesn't cry. (Not many people know this about me, but I can't stand a man who cries over nothing. Many a relationship has ended for me because the guy cried over something pathetic.)
- He's a great kisser.
- I love the way he looks at me when I turn my head and catch him.
- He isn't afraid of hard work. He is motivated to try and do whatever he can to provide for his family.